I have a weird sense of humor. I didn’t think Super Bad was funny, and I think Will Ferrell should basically… give up. I usually laugh at anti-feministic jokes (don’t hate me), and I think the joke “what did the fish say when he swam into the wall? ..dam!” is the funniest joke IN THE WORLD.

That being said, most “funny” things on youtube don’t interest me, especially if they’re over two minutes long. But please, please…watch this video.  It’s pretty much the best.  And if you agree, go to this chick’s website and watch more episodes!

Am I right, or am I right?  

You don’t have to answer that. 

Happy Fourth of July and then some! I hope all of you working folks enjoyed the long weekend and are appreciative that you only have a four-day week to tackle.  Mr or Mrs Worker, what does this feel like? I’d really like to know. Which brings me to this first piece of infomation:

Did you know that a lot of government organizations have to post jobs online even if they already have a person lined up to fill the position? This means that about 85 thousand of my last 2.7 million or however-many-cover-letters-I-have-written- had a zero chance of being read before I wrote them. Well……..that’s cool.

In other news. Casey Anthony? That one threw me for a loop, maybe even two. Still, the fault doesn’t lie with the jury, but our judicial system as a whole. The jury is told to convict “without a reasonable doubt”; she probably killed her kid, but the prosecution didn’t establish their case well enough.  But I just have to think, what if Casey was a black male? She’d probably already be in jail.

Also, “diarrhea” is a very hard word to spell. I had to look that up just now.  I also had a tough time with “restaurant” until I started taking French in 7th grade. “Restaurant” is spelled the same way en francais; leave it to learning a foreign language to force you to learn how to spell in your own.

Why do raspberries come in the smallest containers? 

You can make a lot of money working at a restaurant. Unfortunately, working at a restaurant is also one of the most awful jobs on the planet.  I’ve realized that working in an environment that I strongly dislike doesn’t just take away my time, it takes away …me. I become an angry person when people yell at me for steaks too pink, lobsters too messy, crab salads too small. I’m sorry there is too much vermouth in your martini, you said extra dry. Bread doesn’t always have to be warm. 

Are a lot of these statements & questions spiteful? Lets fix this.

I have great friends. I hope you do, too. I’m sure you do.  Here are two of mine:

Left: Me and Ali. 4th of July. We went back to her apartment to drunkingly “rest up” after our Turkish bartender gave us free bloody mary’s, along with giving me his business card (Is this still a thing?). Perhaps the key to love is going after the ones that barely speak English. 

Right: Me and Nic.  Yep, I’m in both of  my “these are my friends!” pictures. It’s my blog, I can do what I want. If you’re a COiA reader, you know Nicole.  It’s a classic candid; we’re obviously talking about something important, maybe even conflicting.

Lastly, have you been to the Hungarian Pastry Shop on 111th and Amsterdam?  You should go. Pictured is a Hungarian Coffee (coffee, almond extract, whipped cream, and cinnamon) and an almond horn. So Good. Eaten across from a best friend with a Russian Coffee and fresh crossiant, Even Better.

To those, myself included, that have forgotten about Long Island:

Its long pathways tucked between full, towering trees.

Large fields that extend acres upon acres, without a person in sight.

The views that are simply hiding.

Houses that do not have neighbors on either side, back or front. Only leaves.

And the sunsets that expand across the huge, open sky.

Sometimes, I live here.

It could be worse.

Finally.

About a month ago, Nicole and I were walking down Broadway, slightly south of Morningside Heights, when we found a debit card on the ground.  We brought it back to her apartment and I did some detective work.  After googling the man’s name, I was able to find an email address.  Long story short, after playing phone tag with him at his architectural business the following day, I agreed to deliver the card to his friend’s bellman on 96th and Central Park West. Sort of weird.  Out of kindness, he expressed that he wanted to give me some sort of reward, but I refused. 

Is it hypocritical to try and build up good karma solely because you wish to receive something even greater in return?

Definitely.  

Maybe the Karma gods knew this was my intention, so they waited over a month to have a stranger pay it forward to me.  Still, my turn came yesterday when I tried to buy an iced-tea at a cash-only coffee shop.  I only had my debit card, and after I pathetically tried to dig out $3 worth of dimes and nickels from my bag, and older gentlemen next on line ordered an iced tea and handed it to me.

Bryan (Brian?), I doubt you will ever read this, but if you do….thank you for the drink.  If you did this simply out of the goodness of your heart, something great will happen to you soon.  If you bought me a drink with the intention of good karma coming right back at you, just be patient.