The bigger the tank, the bigger the goldfish, right?  Same goes with a woman’s bag.  The bigger the bag, the more shit you decide to put in it.  For me, at least.

I used to always carry around an incredibly small purse.  I never needed much- just my phone, some cash, and my license.  Unfortunately, after 4 + years of a small faux-leather Target purse-thingy, I decided to “upgrade” to a larger, also faux-leather, also target..BAG.  However, with my new bag, I’ve found that I tend to carry around a lot more stuff, just cause I can.

So tonight I emptied my bag.

 I took a picture of its contents.

And  now I am going to write about them. Isn’t this interesting?  

First up are my headphones. They are shitty SONY “noise-cancelling” ones.  Don’t buy them.  (I’m glad that I don’t even have my ipod in there.  This is not logical).

Bandaids.  One day, I wanted to look extra nice for work, so I wore heals.  Worst idea ever.  Three blocks south and my heels were already on their way to forming gangrene. 

Henry David Thoreau’s Walden.  I’m learning from my H-boy how to live by myself in the woods for two years.  I wish this was foreshadowing my real life!

On top of Walden? Yeah, tampons. Sorry guys… I’m a woman…and I get my period.  Pretty crazy, right?  At least now they come in cool colors! What for though? To disguise?  Lessen embarrassment? Not quite sure.  But boy do I love lime green! 

My corkscrew.  You never know when you’re going to have to stab someone open up a bottle of wine!

Then there is..a rock. Someone gave me a rock from a beach.  And I carry it in my bag.

Lip gloss.  Pretty standard explanation: stocking stuffer, smells great, makes my lips all sparkly.

Then there’s my extra special cellphone.  This thing is genius–it can make calls and text without the internet!

A receipt from Westside Market.  I bought three avocados for $7.50.  Ripoff.

12 cents. I’m rich.

A deck of cards. I’m weird.

Earrings. Should take those out.

Gum. Spearmint > Peppermint. Fact.

Oof.  Confession time…I don’t own a wallet.  I put all my “wallet stuff” in a little sachet zippy thingy from Ghana.  In it is my license, debit card, health insurance card, metro card, train ticket, student ID, and library card. Cool, right?

Pens and pencils.  One of which is a golf pencil.  I have no idea where that came from.  Another is a pen that fell apart.  Or, in fancy words, a deconstructed pen.  I write down many things and need many utensils.

And I write them all down in my little moleskin.  Like a good little hipster!

Deodorant.  I have a sweating problem.  Moving on.

Ew.  That yellow piece of paper?  A receipt to my LIRR ticket refund.  You used to be able to purchase a train ticket and use it within 6 months.  Apparently 6 months changed to…14 days …and TWO of my round trip tickets expired by one day!  So on top of losing over $50, I had to purchase a one-way on the train, which cost me $20.  I was very, very angry.  But alas! You can refund them, with a $10 refund fee. And then you have to wait for four weeks. I am still very angry.

Speaking of money and receipts, I also have a tag to a dress I purchased on my lunch break one day.  I found out I was going to a jazz club that evening, so figured I should pick up a nice lil dress.  I kept the tag incase I wanted to return it after I wore it, but ended up liking it enough for keeps!

Sunglasses, Car Keys, mundane duh duh whatever etc etc.

Lastly, my newspaper horoscope.  It reads: Act on your creative inspirations. Where there is a will there’s a way.

I hope you’re right, Newsday.