…cause why not?

Let’s turn to the web:
Trips to Blockbuster have turned into movies on Netflix
Grocery store runs have turned into FreshDirect orders
Credit card bills, account transfers, and check deposits — one click away
And meeting and falling in love with people…online. Well shit.

For the record, I am not against online dating. I’m….just against using it myself. And it’s not only because out of the six whole OkCupid dates I’ve been on, all six were train wrecks, though let’s get some context going:

1) took me to Applebees in Times Square and ordered me their “perfect margarita”
2) spent $60 on four cocktails and then would only text me facts about cats
3) stood me up then asked if I wanted to “hang out” at his apartment at 11:30pm on a Monday
4) ended up being from my hometown and his mother was my home economics teacher
5) made out for a few hot seconds post-drinks where he said “that was awesome” and then never heard from him again
6) 98% sure is gay

The other problem with OkC is the whole ‘leading up to the actual purpose of the site’ thing (You know..meeting.) Before that comes the dreaded messages, 60% of which are creepy, 30% painfully witty, 5% spam, and the other 5% promising until you see they are 5’6 (no offense) and in law school. Why is everyone in law school?

For example, here are the first lines of a few recent messages which mainly fall into the “creepy” category:

spam/ I love adventure

 Welp, I’m not

Is this English?

 Dude, tone it down

 Sorry I only date deities 

See? Okay – and other people have had success with OkC and other online dating services…and that’s awesome. Two of my best friends recently met their now love-of-their-lives online, and another just moved many miles away to live with her once OkCupid romance. I’m not denying that it works.

But I like the narrative involved with meeting someone in the real world. There is the “playing Neil Young in a Ghanaian courtyard hours after I’ve landed in Africa,” the “shared a summer house roof where I was accidentally tanning w/o some clothes on” and “in a bar and sarcastically commented on his weird looking hat.” Those stories, among others, are what make meeting people so fascinating and fun.

Meeting people IRL isn’t any more natural (if anything, it’s weirder) but it’s more interesting and engaging. Judging someone by their body language, poise, and actual drink of choice is way more exciting than reading a profile where he can’t live without more than six things and has a witty way of saying it.  

So that’s that. I also think (sorry I have so many opinions) going online is great for people who actively want to go on dates. Dates suck! First time dates when you have to give the whole who-what-where-when is so tiring and boring and forced. And then there’s the ‘willhebuymydrink’ and ‘willhekissmegoodbye’ and also you usually know within .2 seconds of meeting the dude (or gal) that it’s not worth your time and then you’re stuck there. In Applebees. Drinking “the perfect margarita” and wondering when the magic, the romance, of online dating will begin.