A lot has been happening leading up to the NYC marathon, so I figured…why not write about it ! 

First thing’s first….Hurricane Sandy. What has stuck me the most throughout this whole thing is how excited people were. So many people I talked to were like “f-yeah, I don’t have to work! This is an excuse to do nothing! I love storms!” On the one hand, yeah…I get it. You kinda feel like a kid on a snow day. Except, SIR, this isn’t six inches of snow…it’s a freakin hurricane. A very large one. A lot of people were skeptical due to Irene’s hype last year, but still, you can’t compare one storm to another. And there’s nothing “fun” about a huge storm that ended up causing a lot of damage.

Ali and I prepared like most other people, buying water and extra candles, making a batch of rice, stocking up on cans of beans, veggies, and beer, and (unsuccessfully) finding a large jigsaw puzzle. As for the day of the storm, we thankfully were hardly affected. We had Internet for most of the day, so the both of us were able to work from home. When the interwebs abandoned us,  we stopped working and started listening to music, playing the uke, singing, and trying to start out own band while drinking Bud Light and eating pumpkin bread. That was magical. (But you don’t need a hurricane to shut everything off and do that, right?)

OKAY, on to marathon training. My bib into this year’s race surprised no one/thing more than my own legs. Still, I felt mostly ready and able to get some long runs in before a quick taper, until I woke up early last week and felt a nasty pain in my foot…again. Immediately I thought I re-injured myself, until I realized while it was the same pain, it was the opposite foot. What luck. Rather than freaking the f$)#CK out (well, I did, but only for a minute) I “calmly” wrote down my “feelings” in my Believe I Am journal and made a plan to stick to cross and strength training for the week. I was able to endure the bike for 30 mins tops (I hate, hate, hate cross-training) but when I tried to use the elliptical, I kid you not: I lasted four minutes. Approximately one Kimbra song. 

I planned on running this week, but with the storm yesterday and the pouring rain I am currently watching from my window, I’m out of luck, and a little stressed. I just learned our team members for nycm can’t run together too, so I’ll be by my lonesome in my corral, in my DRESS, come Sunday. Honestly, 26.2 miles in five days seems a little terrifying. (#gowiththeflow) 

But! I am running for an amazing cause, and have been able to raise an awesome amount of money. (Thank you’s in the works!) AND, so many people are coming to either race or spectate, and I cannot wait! I hope you guys like HUGE hugs.  

Alas, one thing that I’ve been yearning for, and which has helped me de-stress, is getting back into music. Playing/performing used to be a huge part of my life, and I really miss it. I’ve been dabbling on finale (a music notation software) learning more chords on the ukulele, and googling like a mad-woman where I can play a piano around these parts (preferably for free, and more-preferably a piano, not a keyboard!) I really miss it, and find myself downloading and reading more music, singing in the AM, and thinking about new instruments I want to learn. Ali’s down, too:

However, if I can’t lug a huge piano into my little apartment (or can I?!) I can write…which is another thing I’ve been focusing on lately in my “free” time. I’ve been writing more random stories, fiction and non-fiction, and it’s been really fun. I also helped my friend put together this list of Very Important tips for surviving the storm. So there’s that.

Disclaimer: Shit’s about to get (kinda) deep.

There are two different yoga classes I go to in New York, and both teachers are amazing. They strike that balance of saying just the right thing without sounding over-the-top or preachy, and they really make you think and reflect. They’re both funny, too, which breaks up the seriousness (or staggering pain) when you’re in forearm plank for what feels like days.

I learn a lot in a yoga class. And in the moment, these lessons seem easy to implement outside yoga walls. But in actuality, I find that I’m my usual stressed- self once the class is over, no matter how good I feel in the moment, no matter how much I take what a teacher is saying and spin it into action. (Breathe in trust, breathe out hurt! Yes!)

So I’ve been trying to change that. Kristin, a spectacular teacher at Prana Yoga, spent a class reminding us we have the ability to shift any negative thought to a positive one. Simple enough, right? Well, maybe! The other week, I had a particularly not-so-awesome day, and was incredibly looking forward to getting home, making dinner, and falling asleep early. When I finally got to my apartment at 8:30, I realized I left my keys in my locked, Manhattan office (which ended up being a two hour ordeal). Immediately I teared up, so mad at myself for forgetting my keys (I actually have a really great streak of not losing or forgetting things) and quickly blamed my “worst day everrrr” for doing this to me. Then, I remembered what we learned in yoga, and immediately tried to shift the negative situation to a positive one.

First, I told myself that the previous doings of my day were totally unrelated to what was happening now, and I couldn’t say “welp, this is the icing to the cake!” If I had a great day, I wouldn’t have been so upset, so I should just roll with it — realize it happened, that I was locked out, couldn’t change it, and just had to fix it. Then when I finally got keys to the office and was meandering through Gramercy and Flatiron, I noticed I was speed walking. Hurrying. Just trying to get back home into my bed and continue to think about how unfair life was. I stopped myself. It was 9:30. It was beautiful out. It wasn’t too cold, and it was quiet. The street I was on was relatively quaint for Manhattan. And never in a million years would I be walking around east 22nd street at this time, so I might as well damn enjoy it.

It sounds kind of stupid, but it was like I forgot I had the ability to change how I was thinking. I didn’t need to be mad or upset. I just had to make a simple shift from the negative to the positive, and it was that easy. And for the rest of my journey home, I was thankful that I took that impromptu walk in Manhattan, that it was a beautiful night, and that I was able to get my keys and safely end up back in my bed.

– – –

Dave, a teacher at Hosh Yoga, always ends his practice saying “remember, you are perfect just the way you are.” Sounds cheesy on here, but let me tell you, it sounds AMAZING after 75 minutes of what is usually a mentally and physically challenging class. Nevertheless, he is usually teaching/reminding his students that inside we are already good people, beautiful people, and we just have to dig inside and find it, show it, be it. I remember him specifically saying “it’s not a matter of ignorance; it’s not that people don’t realize they are not beautiful. It’s misperception: People actually believe they are not beautiful. This idea is a great, simple reminder that any person we want to be, we can be…because we already are. We just have to have the courage to believe it without thinking about any other opinions, your own or others. 

Both of these lessons also reminded me of the final chapter in Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha, which I will leave you with:

“The world, my friend Govinda, is not imperfect, or on a slow path towards perfection: no, it is perfect in every moment, all sin already carries the divine forgiveness in itself, all small children already have the old person in themselves, all infants already have death, all dying people the eternal life. … In deep meditation, there is the possibility to put time out of existence, to see all life which was, is, and will be as if it was simultaneous, and there everything is good, everything is perfect, everything is Brahman. Therefore, I see whatever exists as good, death is to me like life, sin like holiness, wisdom like foolishness, everything has to be as it is, everything only requires my consent, only my willingness, my loving agreement, to be good for me, to do nothing but work for my benefit, to be unable to ever harm me.”

Namaste, swear I’ll go back to being cynical soon,
xox Laura

Last year on November 6th, I remember getting up early to watch the marathoners run through Greenpoint. Aside from my natural bias for this Brooklyn neighborhood, the Greenpoint stop is full of live music, it’s the half-way point on the course, and is also the last stop in Brooklyn. I remember being teary-eyed watching the wheelchair racers head through, then awed as the pack of runners finally made their way down Bedford and over to Manhattan Ave. I also remember thinking that I’d never be able to this marathon — any marathon — let alone those 13 miles from Staten Island to North Brooklyn.

And now a year later, I am running the New York City Marathon. In a bridesmaid dress. 

And I am SO glad I am being serious.

I was recently given the opportunity to run the New York City Marathon with Runaway Bridesmaids, a team of women who are running in used bridesmaids dresses to help build a shelter for the kids of sex workers in India’s largest red light district with New Light. The team already raised over $7,000 after the NYRR Fifth Avenue Mile, and decided to go the extra 25.2 miles and take on the marathon distance. 

Everything about this is pretty amazing. Never in a million years did I think I would be running New York this year (for obvious reasons…) and the fact that I get to run for such a unique, awesome cause makes it a hell of a lot more meaningful. Since I know how hard it is to get into the race, I am honestly so thankful that I get to be a part of it, and run for something bigger than myself.

Now….what does this mean for my training? Honestly, I was a little freaked out at first, wondering if I had the stamina to bust out another marathon so soon, let alone innnn a dress (I have a hard enough time just walking in them…). But since I honestly couldn’t pass up the opportunity, I’ve done my best to remain calm and just run this for fun. I am not looking to PR, and I’m hoping to be able to run with my teammates and just soak in the crowds, sights, and experience without hitting any stupid wall at mile 22.

Still, I have enough longish runs under my belt since Wineglass that I’m confident this wont be insanely difficult. I’ve run a few morning 10 milers, went for a 13 mile run last weekend, and did 12 today. That, and I am praying the increase in strength training will make up for a lack of a 20 miler before I get to the starting line. (Sneaky endurance?) I also did this “relaxed” speed workout on the track Saturday morning, and while the humidity nearly killed me, I was happy with the results:
1 x mile: 6:35
2 x 800: 3:15, 3:10
4 x 400: 1:35, 1:33, 1:33, 1:29

If you would like to donate to the cause, check out my crowdrise page here. Also, if you’re in NYC, come to the Village Pourhouse (in the East Village) this Thursday the 25th from 7-10pm —  the team will be bartending IN our dresses (sneak peek!) and a chunk of the profits will go directly to the campaign. Plus, I have no idea how to bartend aside from opening cans of beer and pouring whiskey (straight up) into a glass, so THAT will be entertaining.

*** I can’t wait to see SO many of my friends out there on the course! Two weeks! Does this mean I get to taper now? 

Sometimes, I like to get lost on the Internet. It’s kind of crazy how you can read/watch/listen to pretty much anything online that interests you, or that you didn’t know interested you and then did, or did not interest you at all until you read the final line and then realized, “Woah, okay, I am interested.”

Anyways, here are some things I have particularly enjoyed reading. Maybe the same will go for you!

Here is Everything I Learned in NYC (The Morning News)

“It’s lonely,” I often said, and it’s true that being in a city this monumental, this antic and buzzing can kick up in me a melancholy deeper than I’ve ever felt. But it can also kick up an exhilarating sense of possibility, a peace that comes from knowing your place in the world is small but entirely your own.

The Honorable Clad of the Distance Runner (The New York Times) 

“Nonrunners often imagine that people can cover 26.2 miles only because they have lean, muscled legs and a highly developed cardiovascular system. Nothing could be further from the truth. The runner’s most important organ, by far, is the brain…”

Which Comes First, Work or Passion? (Inc)

“You don’t find your passion and then work. Instead, you work–and then find your passion.”

Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt  (The Onion)

“Mr. Fall, who sources speculate loves Thanksgiving, butternut squash soup, homecoming parades, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” apple-picking, and haunted hayrides, emerges reliably every year around this time in his traditional uniform, sometimes alternating his iconic sweater with a fleece vest or pullover.”

Watch Joanna Newsom Perform a New Song (Pitchfork)

“Joanna Newsom appeared at San Francisco’s Treasure Island Music Festival yesterday afternoon, and included a brand new song in her short setlist … with lyrics that tip from reflecting on the past to the not-so-distant future: ‘Parades mark the passing of age,” yet “a hunter a hundred years from now may look and despair.'”

The Pumpkin Cartel of Corning, NY (The New York Times)

“Growing up in the ’80s, my brother and I sold pumpkins door to door every October. Whenever 4-foot children selling Halloween squash ring your doorbell, you’re hamstrung into purchasing one, or risk being labeled the local curmudgeon.”

Why We All Need Journeys (Jeff Goins Writer) 

“It’s a process of leaving and arriving, of losing yourself and finding it again. And if these are our only criteria, anything can be a journey — as long as you are intentional.”

How to Love a Screwed Up Man (Thought Catalog)

“The cowardly thing about Jack is that he would own up to all of his problems and then do absolutely nothing to fix them. He thought that admitting his shortcomings was enough to absolve them.” 

Why I Write: Joan Didion on Ego, Grammar & The Impetus to Create (Brain Pickings)

“Had my credentials been in order I would never have become a writer. Had I been blessed with even limited access to my own mind there would have been no reason to write. I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.”

Adventures in Working Out — Around the World (National Geographic)

“In my experience traveling internationally there are a whole scale of reactions received, which I like to put on a scale, called the Local Reaction Scale or LRS. On one end is zero reaction—where running is accepted, normal, and many of the locals run. On the other end of the scale is ten….
Norway – 2
Bhutan – 9 (what IS that guy up to?)”

I woke up Thursday morning with a plan to run 10 miles. The night before I was excited, looking forward to it, ready. I had taken it easy the day before, only running two miles and sticking to strength stuff. My legs were fresh and I wanted to bang out 10 good ones before getting on with my day.

And then I woke up and absolutely did not want to run. I was not having my 6am alarm. I was not having the whole “it’s dark outside” thing. My feet were cold. I was really, really tired.

I got up. Stumbled to put on the hot water. Went to the New York Times. Checked my email, sipped my coffee. I was now dreading the run, trying to figure out if it was raining, wondering if my Garmin was charged, or if I even had a clean sports bra. And then I realized – Laur – you don’t have to run. If you don’t feel like running, just go back to bed.

One of my initial goals when I started writing in my BIA training journal was to stop being so hard on myself. I quickly get excited about a lot of things and make grandiose plans in my mind; since I don’t have a running coach, or any real set schedule, I kind of make up workouts in my mind the night before and try to stick to them. (For ie, why I wanted to run ten miles instead of seven or eight, I have no clue.)  Some people need others to stay accountable, yet I think my strictest coach is myself. (Where’s the #gowiththeflow Joc, Molly, Corey ?!) 

 So rather than running, I wrote. I wrote in my journal what I was feeling, and why I didn’t want to run, and explaining why it was totally fine — that I could run tomorrow if my head was in it, if my heart was in it. I took a peek at my journal to see what my training had been that week (I have never logged my workout schedule, so this was the first time I was seeing it all on paper) and could muse why I was feeling shot. Since peak training for Wineglass, I had fallen off the strength training train. I went back on it this week, but hadn’t realized I lifted three times in six days. Was that the culprit for my tired body and worn out head? Maybe. Who knows. Either way, I took off Thursday and enjoyed the rest. I told myself if I woke up on Friday and felt up to it, I’d try again.

On Thursday night I got a record of 9 1/2 hours of sleep, and when my alarm went off, I felt like my normal self. I jumped out of bed, did the whole coffee thing, had a small breakfast, and most importantly, was looking forward to running. I told myself I’d head over the bridge and go down the East Side Highway. If I felt great, I’d go five miles before turning around. If I wasn’t, I’d turn around whenever I felt like it. No big.

Luckily, and most likely because I had taken the prior day off, I felt wonderful. I was running slightly under sub 8 pace, which felt really comfortable. I ran over the Williamsburg bridge, downtown, through South Street Seaport, and to South Ferry. That was about five miles. I said hello to all the Staten Island commuters, and headed back. By mile seven, I was getting a bit tired at the pace I was at, but told myself, “self! Pushing a bit now will only make you stronger.” “It’s OK to go outside your comfort zone.” (Another goal I had made.) I was FULL of mantras at this point, but my favorite was probably, “You can slow down in a little bit. Just not right now.”

Long story not-too-short, I finished the 10 miles with an avg 7:59 pace, felt strong, and loved pretty much every step I took. As I wrote in my journal, “I ran this morning because I wanted to and my heart was in it.”

So thank you Believe I Am for reminding me it’s okay to slow down, that rest is so important, and if I don’t feel like running, I absolutely do not need to. I should just listen to my body and my head.

And when I am willing, I will take flight. 

I stumbled upon this post by Lauren about 108 things she happened to be loving at the moment. She was introduced to the idea by Hally Marino , and I thought it would be a cool thing to do, too.

It was interesting. At first, I sat at my desk and stared at the screen. 108 things I love? I couldn’t name four. I sat in stubborn silence while I wondered why I was such a life-hater, and then the words came. It was an ebb and a flow, really: Things came to me, and continued, and then stopped. And I would sit again, and wait. Take a shower. Try to remember the 17 things I happened to love in the shower. And then scramble to write them down while dripping wet.

Anyhow, I made it. And could’ve kept going. But I stopped at the 108.

108 things I am loving

1. Cooler temps. Hello autumn!
2. Morning cup of coffee
3. Late night pumpkin-chai
4. Writing in my Believe I Am Journal
5. Sitting on the M train on my way home from work and usually falling asleep
6. “The woods are lonely, dark, and deep. But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep.”
7. Honey nut cheerios with frozen banana and soy milk
8. Slow songs on my running playlist
9. Kimbra, and specifically “Cameo Lover,” on my running playlist
10. This poem
11. Having folded clothes in my drawers.
12. Clean sheets
13. Confidence
14. Sweet potatoes
15. Looking forward to going to work every morning
16. freecabinporn.com (not real porn)
17. Seeing 7:15 pace on my Garmin
18. Runners on twitter. You da best
19. Wool sock season…
20. Wearing giant sweatshirts to bed. No pants
21. Talking to “pretty famous” people at work who actually understand Greatist and think it’s amazing
22. Being 24. It’s sort of my lucky number (249 is, but I wont ever live till then, I think)
23. Never ever wearing the pencil skirt I found in the back of my closet
24. Running over the Williamsburg bridge and feeling like I’m flying
25. Running around the “Welcome to Manhattan” sign 30 meters from the bridge just to feel like I officially ran to another borough.
26. Sufjan Stevens. And his Christmas sing-a-long we’re going to. Come!
27. Almond butter. And a fork
28. Salted pistachios
29. Salted chocolate
30. Looking back at this year and realizing how amazing it really was
31. Being single and not worrying about anyone but myself
32. Hot toddy’s
33. “I got soul but I’m not a soldier.”
34. Remembering that my body let me run a MARATHON
35. Sonic the Hedgehog
36. Hot yoga. Warrior III, specifically
37. Kombucha
38. Realizing I haven’t been “out” on a Friday/Sat night in forever and being very happy about it
39. Roasted cauliflower
40. Dinner with Danielle at Bliss Bar on Bedford avenue. The have huge plates of veggies and goodness, for cheap!
41. Buying dish soap and toilet paper and checks and cutting boards and still never ever feeling like an adult
42. Knowing my favorite holiday is a little over a month away!
43. Inbox Zero
44. This song
45. “I mused for a few moments on the question of which was worse, to lead a life so boring you are easily enchanted, or a life so full of stimulus that you are easily bored.”
46. Not having TV and not knowing what Honey Boo Boo or Homeland is.
47. Tweeting with my best friend from Nigeria and realizing how connected the world can be
48. This photo:
 
49. Beards
50. Hopefully going on a vacation by myself
51. Huge plaid shirts
52. Thinking about my new tattoo
53. Knowing I haven’t gone clothes shopping in months and shoe shopping in years
54. Feeling strong
55. Recognizing the same people at McCarren track every morning
56. My endorphin warrior bracelet that says Breathe. It really calms me down
57. Soup fo’ lunch
58. This new lotion that lets me get away without showering
59. Scarves
60. Realizing I dropped a $20 bill and knowing how someone else will find it and it will make their day
61. Going for runs at 7am in the pouring rain..cause why not?
62. Greatist. Just..everything about it
63. When an airplane’s wheels touch the ground and I realize I’ve survived another flight
64. Wearing hats when I run to keep the sweat out of my eyes
65. Chugging water
66. City hope: Manhattan streets, I follow you. On every sidewalk, looking for deserted roads stripped of speed that’ll slow us down the street was the home that’s now a house, when these things change I don’t know that I spend mornings scanning bodies for certain shirts and shoulders, below buildings we bend to evade the subtle moves of this dear city, I hope you fill every need for every body, sitting on opposite sides of the smallest place your hands by your chest — you’ll never know of strong, long love. So they climbed north. The sounds and songs of skyscrapers soft and small, embracing out of hollowness of dense city streets, a fleeting moment too perfect for words so there’s silence instead. Breath swallowed by urban rhythms moving masses in different directions. And as streets continue to collide and create a canvas of city hope, we are safe at last.- ls
67. Anything Dave Eggers writes
68. Peacho’s for long car rides
69. Mud truck coffee with milk and sugar
70. When 10 mile runs are no longer “long runs”
71. Realizing in the last past year even though I’ve lived in one place I’ve gone to: New Hampshire, Florida, Vermont, Maine, Boston, Oregon, and Washington
72. A journey without a goal
73. Very strong whiskey cocktails when on dates
74. Using my Tiger Tail to get out alll the knotsssssssss
75. Mile repeats. I am a masochist
76. Black bears
77. Jocelyn’s Chicago Marathon recap.  She was totally #gowiththeflow
78. PUMPKIN PIE
79. Being extremely independent and knowingly stubborn and totally OK with it
80. This 4×800 States picture circa 2006. Classic

81. This awesome article on Neil Young in the Times Magazine
82. Taking an extra walk around my block to finish listening to a song before I go inside
83. Beyond Sushi
84. Having exact change when I’m buying something
85. Flipping my calendar always halfway though the month…
86. Long lists (one would hope)
87. Tahini dressing
88. Seeing someone give up their seat on the subway
89. Baking with butter. Preferably banana and/or pumpkin bread
90. Deciding I am going to be an “adult” and send out Christmas cards this year (don’t hold me to this)
91. Red wine
92. WordPress app on my phone. It’s genius
93. Realizing how much I love writing on my blog and how it’s made me a better writer and thinker
94. Nicole’s paintings
95. Hanging out with everyone at the office between 9:30 and 10am
96. Eating m&m’s out of the trail mix
97. What if money was no object? [watch it]
98. Dropping my iPhone FACE down on the ground with no scratch left behind
99. Purchasing two pairs of pants, two sweaters, and a bag for less than $100 (disregard that above entry on not going clothes shopping…)
100. Eating leftovers two hours after eating dinner
101. My parents
102. Cracking open a can of seltzer
103. The NYT’s Set Puzzle
104. Talking to other friends who also hate Halloween and will stay inside with me
105. Snacks for dinner
106. Goblet squats
107. The sound of my alarm. I hate sleeping. Is that weird?
108. Myself
 

First off, thank you all SO much for your comments about my marathon post. I had no clue it would get the reaction it did, and am still in awe by how freakin supportive and wonderful the running community is. Also, I think I’m mostly recovered from PMD (my body no longer hates me and I can finally run again) so for anyone who ran Chicago or any other race this weekend (I’ve read about so many PR’s and awesome races, so a huge congrats) I will let you know how to recover: mostly patience, a bit of alcohol. Rest.

– –

This weekend continued my saga of traveling on any spare Saturday or Sunday. While a part of me really misses having time to myself at home, I couldn’t pass this up.

We were going to New England. We were going on a cheese pilgrimage.

My sister-in-law’s family is slightly (read:very) obsessed with cheese, and made plans to visit the Cabot Creamery in (you guessed it!) Cabot, VT. I tagged along last minute with Kate and Jim, Flo and Andrew (classic fifth wheel), along with Kate’s extended family.

First stop: Cabot, of course. We tasted many a cheese (sharp, extra sharp, seriously sharp, bacon, tuscan, worcheshire, herb, private-label (ooo), vintage, chipotle, buffalo wing…the list goes on. And on.) Then we took a tour, which was actually super informative and interesting. We learned about the history of Cabot (all the proceeds go directly back to the farmers!) and saw the cheese being made. Very educational. And delicious.

We decided to keep the dairy thing going and head over the Ben and Jerry’s factory in Waterbury. At this point it was rainy and cold, so we decided to sit inside and eat alloftheicream while we waited for tour #2. After some heaping spoonfuls of milk n’ cookies, caramel-something-or-other, coconut bar, and cookie dough, we took a not-as-impressive tour through their factory, where we learned how the ice-cream goes from cow to cone (their words, not mine). To keep the food thing going, we made a final stop at King Arthur Flour in Norwich, which was my favorite stop due to the lack of people and ability to scan the aisles of weird kitchen gadgets and a bajillion different boxes of muffin mix.

After King Arthur, it was definitely dinner time, and we all pretty much had only consumed cheese, ice-cream, and some handfuls of chex mix all day. We headed straight to Panera (soup!salad!) and brought it over to Kate’s aunt’s house in NH. I remember marveling at the HUGE sky and beautiful stars as we walked inside. At that point, I wanted to pitch a tent in their backyard (they live on 40 acres, clearly they could fit me) and call it a night.

But instead we went to our hotel, which just so happened to cancel all our rooms and kindly let us know there were no other rooms available in any hotel within a 60 mile radius. (Awesome.) After an hour of looking helpless in the hotel lobby, some dudeman-angel said “eh, I live 45 minutes away. I’ll go home. Take my room.”
That guy will have good karma for the rest of his life.

(Not staged, Flo was just really tired and we were homeless.)

The following morning, the whole crew went back to Kate’s aunt’s house to see her beautiful home in the daytime. We ate a delicious breakfast, walked around the property, and went exploring through her old home (from the 1700’s!) down the street. We also hung out with a lot of dogs. 

By noon, we were back on the road to good ol’ NYC. I was sad to leave, since things just feel so “right” up in New England with the trees, air, quiet, everything…..However, once we returned, I went on an epic six-mile run, ate an awesome dinner with Danielle, and was in bed by 10. 

Things clearly could’ve been worse.

On Sunday, September 30th, a little before noon —I feel in love with marathons.

But let’s back up a bit. On Saturday evening, I took a quick plane ride up to Elmira (where the race was), and killed the 30 minutes in the air by writing down some notes to remember on race day…

After getting picked up at the airport by Laura and Brad, we tried to find dinner. Howeveeer, the small town of Corning pretty much triples in population on marathon weekend, so the three restaurants that take up the town had huge waits. We opted for a just-as-delicious trip to Wegmans, and then fell asleep at our hotel to the sounds of Spirit of the Marathon in the background. (But actually.)

I kept waking up in the middle of the night (WEIRD racing dreams) and then abruptly greeted my “friendly” alarm so I could have enough time to eat something, change, freak out a bit, and get down to the start.

The walk to the start was BEAUTIFUL, and I was soaking in the surroundings while simultaneously worrying we’d miss the start. (Rookie racer=not knowing that bag check-in takes 2 seconds.) We still made it to the line with a few minutes to spare, and since this was a small race, the atmosphere was super relaxed. There wasn’t even a gun…the announcer just casually said “alright, well…go!”

And so we did.

My race strategy was this: Go out slow. Very slow. After six of so miles of 840’s-9 minute pace, speed up…just a bit. By mile 10, bring it down to low 8’s. Then for the last 10K, kill it.

I pretty much was having an internal argument with myself the whole entire race — but especially the beginning. Jocelyn told me over and over and over not to go out too fast. (One of my huge issues, I suck at pacing sometimes.) She warned me I would feel like I was walking, but to just TRUST it was the right move. So I stuck behind the 3:45 pacing group for the first 10K. Half of me was on cloud-9 (cloud 4.5?) but I literally felt like I was jogging and wanted SO badly to speed up. My thought process went something like this:

“This is ridiculous. I want to speed up.”

“Jocelyn will kill you.”

“I feel too good. I can maintain sub 8-s the whole time NBD..”

“You’re an idiot. You have HOURS to go and your legs will get tired.”

“Jocelyn will kill you.”

“After the 10K you can speed up a LITTLE. Then at mile 10, fine…go. Haul ass.”

I kept this inner-dialogue up for pretty much the first 10 miles, which (luckily) happened to fly by. The scenery was beautiful, the crowd quaint and lovely, and the weather near perfect (high 50’s). I went through the 10K in 52:30ish (8:30 pace, still a little fast) and then dropped my pace down to 8:20’s until reaching mile 10. Then, I went.

(Keep your head up, Laur!)

The hardest part about your first marathon is you really have no idea how to run one. I quickly learned races that distance take experience — they take knowing how your body is really going to feel. Since I was injured, my training was thrown off and I only fit in a few long runs before a pretty serious taper. I had little to no idea how my legs were going to react to the distance at the pace I was going — would I get tired at mile 15? Mile 20? Never?! Should I speed up since I was feeling good, or still conserve? How the heck do I know how fast to go without “hitting the wall”?! Or do I just push through it?! I was pretty much a mental case throughout the entire race, wondering when my legs would start to “feel it” and when this would get ridiculously hard. I still had no idea if I was going too fast or too slow. I needed to shut myself up.

I went through the half in 1:50. Exactly where I wanted to be. Now I just had to pick it up a bit and maintain. It was at that point that I realized I could BQ (Boston Qualify).

I was ecstatic.

Aside from my back-and-forth case of the crazies, I was also overjoyed. My body felt amazing and I was thinking about how incredibly lucky I was to be running and feeling as strong as I did. I looked at my surroundings and saw hillside after hillside of amber leaves and misty ponds — I was in my element. (I also had gatorade all over my shirt and gu stuck on my hands, meaning I was a literal mess, and therefore doubly in my element.) 

And then at mile 14, I started to cry. Yep. Marathons are super emotional, and most people I talk to say they shed a tear or two.  I started thinking about everything else in my life: my life in Brooklyn, my job, and an incredibly tough relationship I ended only a few days before. I thought about my friends who inspired me to run this, and were there for me every step of the way. Then, I thought about my dad who was waiting at mile 20 to run with me.

For miles 10-20, I kept my pace a bit lower (wavering between 7:50-8:10), until I was introduced to mile 18. That’s when my legs finally started to say “oh hello, I’m actually very very tired. Let’s stop.” Rather than going into freak-out mode, I counted down the steps until I would hit mile 20, so I could find my dad and then magically everything would become easier. Right?

At mile 20 I didn’t see him. My mind was going crazy and my legs were exhausted. I knew this was the point I had to speed up — it’s why I went out conservatively! — except…I was just really, really tired. My premature expectation to BQ was fading fast, I was an emotional mess, and for the first time the whole race… I wanted to give up.

I finally found him around mile 21 when the goin’ was reaaaal tough, and I shut off my music and basically spurted out “THANK GOD YOU’RE HERE.” He immediately picked up the pace to where I should have been (7:50) and I told him to just talk to me. He started asking me questions (what’s this, a talk test?) and since I could barely respond, I put my music back on while he ran beside me for another mile. (Actually, he ran pretty much in front of me…at this point I was having trouble breathing and was cramping all over and was very, very, very cranky.)

At around mile 23 I was all on my own again. I told myself it was a simple 5K to the finish and I just needed to compose myself. I looked down at my watch and saw that I probably wouldn’t hit 3:35 (BQ time) and… I was relieved. The LAST thing I wanted was to feel disappointment crossing the finish line, and I knew I was still running the strongest I could. So I stopped caring about time or pace. I just dug deep and tried to toughen up as much as possible.

This is where the race truly starts.

Those last three miles were a blur. I barely remember the scenery, my thoughts…anything. I do remember feeling like I wanted to throw up and curl myself up into a little ball on the side of the street. Instead, well, I kept running. I shut off my watch. Focused on form. Breath. I just wanted to finish…and finish strong.

3:38.02

I crossed the finish line and all I wanted to do was sit. Lie down. Throw off my shoes. Pump nuun into my veins. Instead, I kept walking and stumbling around, chugging water, catching my breath, and composing myself. I found my dad and basically hung on to him so I could stand straight. I was exhausted, I was in so much pain. I was so, so, so incredibly happy. 

(+1 to the Wineglass Marathon for giving out bottles of champagne…)

Looking back at it, I think I ran a near perfect race. My first half was in 1:50 and the second 1:48. I negative split like I wanted to, and I didn’t go out at a stupid, crazy pace. I also had a freaking BLAST (despite my crazy inner-dialogue) and was smiling for most of those 26.2 miles. I didn’t stop once (a silly goal, but a goal nonetheless) and I broke 3:40 — the goal I set back in the spring when I registered for the race.

But this “near perfect race” would absolutely NOT have happened without all the amazing on and offline support I had. From my nuun family to my greatist family, to my family-family and closest friends…..getting to that starting line was because of all of you. And a special thank you to my dad, who pushed me through those hardest miles and was the reason I was able to break 3:40. And the outpouring of excitement and congratulations after I finished? Overwhelming. Words can’t express how much it all means to me. So thank you.

I still have a lot to learn. Back in January, my longest run up to date was a mere eight miles, so I still consider myself a total newb. But now that I’ve caught the marathon bug, I have time to really learn how to train best for my body — to  figure out what works and what doesn’t. And with that, let me announce I just registered up for the Eugene Marathon in the spring (thanks to some very-convincing nuuners) which I’ve been told is a magical, magical course! I’m excited to get serious about training, become more familiar with those long runs, get a better feel for pace, and be confident when I get to the starting line.

Boston, I am coming for you.

Is there such thing is post-marathon depression? In which case, I think I may have it. (And unfortunately already downed the champagne they gave us.) 

I guess I didn’t realize how big of a time commitment training for a marathon is for one morning that goes by way too quickly: waking up super early to fit in long runs or track workouts, heading to central park (farrrr for me) to be able to do some hill repeats, and then trying to get enough sleep to fully recover and be able to bust out another run the following day. It’s also an emotional time commitment too: counting down the weeks, then the days, until the race, facing injury, making goals and worrying about disappointment, knowing that all your hard work comes down to one race soyoubetterfeelgoodwhenyouwakeup….

Any runner will probably tell you he/she feels similarly. I guess I just wasn’t expecting to come off the high of such an amazing race (race report coming soon!) and feel…well, sad.

And also kind of broken. Oddly enough, I never usually am plagued by those dreaded D.O.M.S. After every long run, I’ve woken up the next morning feeling fine and with fresh legs. I guess I naively thought I’d just bounce out of bed the following morning, but yeah. Def not. 

My quads were the worst. Wineglass was a flat/downhill course, so now walking down stairs is like walking through sheets of ice. Next comes my feet, which were filled with blisters and now are all open and raw. But what’s possibly the weirdest pain is a Gu battle wound I acquired; I didn’t realized during the race, but the sharp, plastic edges of my Gu packets stuffed in my sports bra did some damage on my skin, and what I always think is really bad heartburn ends up just being my skin all cut up. SUPER sexy.

The trickiest part, though, is that I’m not a very patient person. I’m walking around with a body that feels broken, and all I want to do is go for a run. A long one. I tried going out for a “shake-out” run two days after the race (was I not supposed to do that?) and it ended pretty poorly. I am told I should take 1-2 weeks off. I do not want to listen. I want to train for something now, get to another starting line, crush another time. I’ve got the bug and got it bad, and feel trapped in my little ol body.

Apologies for this blogvent — it’s something I rarely do, but am curious if others have felt the same. In any case, stay tuned for a more detailed story of the race…. just trying to cut it down so it’s a novella instead of a novel (: 

PS) I know this doesn’t do it justice, but a HUGE incredible thank you to everyone’s support and congratulations throughout this whole thing. It means so much to me, and has brought many smiles to my face. (Including right after the finish!) This running community is incredible, and I absolutely could not have done it alone.

Dear Diary,

I have never really seriously and consistently written in you. BUT! I have always taken the time to find a spare notebook, piece of paper, or even a receipt to write down a fleeting thought or emotion. And aside from this blog (where I don’t disclose any of my deep and darkest secrets, you’re welcome) I never really found a regular rhythm to my writing-madness.

Nor have I actually taken the time to think about, and record, certain goals I want to reach — especially when it comes to running. Over the past year, running has come back into my life and transformed it in so many ways: from applying for a job at Greatist and running Hood to Coast with Nuun, to making a ton of new friends and running my first marathon (two days!). Soooo, I think it’s time to get a little more committed to both my love of writing and running, and come up with some important goals.

Which brings me to Believe I Am. Believe I Am is a company of designs and apparel  that act as visual cues to promote inspiration and positive thinking. And as we all know, running is so incredibly mental, and any sort of tool that can spark optimism and personal strength is, I believe,  awesome. Moreover, B.I.A. reached out and offered to send me their training journal for runners, which helps log and track workouts, create and keep goals, and make running FUN.

To be honest, I have politely declined any other product pitch I’ve been sent for this blog for whatever rhyme or reason. But, I totally dig the message behind the B.I.A training log, and think it will be a great tool to help me create some concrete goals…and hopefully crush them. I’ll also be showing you snippets of my journaling on this blog throughout the coming months (yeah, a diary within a diary, talk about META) to give you an inside peek into my brain. Apologies in advance.

First duty? Create a goal (or goals) I want to achieve by January 5th, 2013. Here we go:

Gain back my speed.
I miss the days when 400’s didn’t terrify me and sub 30 200m splits were child’s play. If I could do that when I was 17, I can surely do that now. Building speed takes consistency, so I really need to go back to the track and start from the ground up. No more satisfaction with slower splits.

Move outside my comfort zone.
Which leads me to this. I think I have it in me to be faster, I’m just afraid of really pushing myself to that level of super discomfort (that in the end so worth it). But I want to be tougher and try to actively run faster on the roads, do more tempo’s, run more races, and see what happens. Worst case scenario? I slow back down a bit. It can’t kill me.

Stop being so hard on myself.
Maybe it sounds hypocritical, but I need to keep everything in perspective. I run because I love it — because it’s an incredible emotional release and physical reward. I’m not competing against anyone but myself, and there’s no reason to get mad if I don’t run or feel as well as I hope. Besides, a 5-minute mile or a 3:30 marathon time does NOT make me a better person.

At the end of the day, all that matters is I’m having fun while challenging myself, which can only make me a stronger person, inside and out. And that’s all I can really ask of myself.